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Wednesday, July 26, 2006

April showers bring May AND June...

Muddy waters. That's about how it feels these days. Lack of personal vision. Inability to sense God's vocational directive or hear His voice. Inner struggle of how to work in conjunction with the hand of God and the movement of the Holy Spirit. All of that and then some adds up to some confusion and not much clarity. Ugh. It's tiring having to trust this damn much, but, just maybe, that's part of covert plan for my life. So I keep going. Punching that clock. Taking those breaks. Searching those web sites. Reading those job descriptions. Feeling huge discouragement. All in an effort to communicate to Kelly, the kids, and the world around me that I will follow (good U2 song, btw!).

I have to laugh because if you ask me at certain times (like right now) if I enjoy my faith journey, I'd have to say, "Heck no! This faith thing is for the birds!" It's hard, messy and unpredictable - I guess that's why we call it faith. It can be really tough to wade through. But - and that's a big but - I continue to remind myself of the truth that God is not about my comfort, but my character and that is driven by His great love for me. It's so that I can continue to experience how awesome He is and to continue to unearth who He's making me to be. It's truth. It's real. I read it in Scripture. I see it in the lives of people dead and gone and also those alive and kickin'. And that my fellow trekkers is good - very good. God is at work...He is always faithful...I will still worship.

So there you have, uncertainty, mud, follow - muddy waters. That's where I'm at and it's where I'm swimming. And thank you, Jesus, for those wading in the water with me: family, my prayer triad, friends across the country and oh that amazing bride of mine - Kelly. She is amazing. God only knows where I'd be without her. Babe, you have been, are, and always will be the best! And what can I say Whodie and the Wildman - Sarah and Parker? From spontaneous ballet sessions to spotting HUGE bia bags (I'll give you three guesses as to what that is), God reminds me to stay on my toes, keep laughing, and be about the Father's business of loving and serving people no matter what.

Grace and peace.

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