Dysfunctional Ramblings

I'm not quite ready to move. Thought I was, but...

I was thinking over this thread and am going to wonder "out loud" with you all. We are all in this place together like it or not. We have a part to play, a script to speak.

I wonder if we've become unsafe to each other. Time and distance can dull our hearts to trust and empathize with each other. I've known that to be true in my journey, but it's become more real for me with us, too.

I wonder if we've become judgmental in how we view each other: how we follow Jesus, how we parent our kids, how we handle our marriages. Judgment puts me in a position where I draw lines that communicate I'm better than you, I'm right and you're wrong, and somehow my shit don't stink.

I wonder if we have some unconfessed sin in our life towards each other that keeps us from living authentically. This one is working on me, I must confess. Still trying to unearth what God wants to reveal to me here.

I wonder if we have some unshared hurt, pain, wound, pivotal piece of our story that no one else knows about (save our spouse) that keeps us from drawing close to each other. And even if we've shared those issues with someone else do we feel like we've truly been heard.

I wonder if resentment, bitterness, jealousy, etc. blocks our paths of truly being connected to each other.

I wonder if we don't like what the other has become. Have we placed some internal or external expectation on one another as to what we should have become? And in those expectations have we fallen short of what we thought you should be or do?

I wonder if we will ever have the courage and humility to listen to each other, share with each other, comfort each other, apologize to each other, speak truth in love to each other (outside of Facebook).

And, lastly, I wonder with you (reluctantly) this...where is Jesus in all of this? Is he leading you, me, us? Or is he here, but standing back waiting for us to acknowledge his presence with us in this mire? Are we praying for each other? I'll be honest...I haven't been until now. We might even have to start praying for each other as...dare I say...enemies? If that's the only command that will get us to pray for us...I say yes. I wonder what some outsiders who know us and love us would say if we brought them in to look, listen, and share with us their insights?

No need to respond. This is just me writing some thoughts down for myself, but also for you and since this pertains to us and our future, I share it with you as well. Just thought I'd share it with you.

Now I might be ready to move on. Maybe...